VIBGYOR

arriving at the Milan airport

There is something very beautiful about coming out of an airport arrival section - especially, I can imagine that this is very particular to Italy and Spain. Perhaps affections decrease as the latitude increases. There are scores of people waiting as I come out the airport. Of course this can never be compared to the number you see in India whether at the airport or railway stations. Yet, for a European situation, this is very particular.

So I come out and along with me a few people come out. Each one of them is encompassed into a warm embrace. Young parted couple intertwine into each other and lock into kiss, older ones are less ardent though there is much affection still there. There is yet another group that has been met by relatives or friends.They hug each other and give the customary kiss.

I walk to the cafeteria and look at the food. I take the bowl of fruitsalad and grab a table for 4. I keep the bag on the chair and the suitcase stays by the chair next to me. I open my bag, take out the printout of an article from Wikipedia on a topic I find interesting. I open the fruit salad bowl and pick up once a piece of strawberry, at another time a piece of melon and yet another time a piece of kiwi breaking the monotony with a rounded grape in between.

Wants, Fear and Failure

Have you ever wanted anything desperately in life?

Recently I find myself faced with the most interesting situation in life. I love it and I just want to make it work. I have not felt this way about anything this much. Yet, this is exactly what makes it not work. I am just so afraid of losing this part of my life and this makes me so risk averse about saying or doing anything. This leads to paralysis due to fear and it makes me work on it, rework on it and re-re-work on it forgetting to give something finally. Finally the fatigue takes over and I am too exhausted to enjoy working on it anymore.

So what am I going to do? I am going to take off right now. Spagetti might be a good idea to innovate on. Some piano is calling me and there are some birthday cards and gifts I need to prepare (Wannabe, I think I will send one to your husband too). We are off to Milan tomorrow. I need to check my bank balance before that - what is Milan without any shopping? I have also been seeing some very interesting pictures of Milan. I am excited - no one ever said Milan is an exciting place. Yet, I look forward to this visit.

The beauty of Europe

I am lucky. I get to travel once or twice across countries every month. It is not often that I put things in this perspective. However, yesterday, listening to some announcements on the train, it just struck me about how lucky I am.

The announcements started in French - a language I am beginning to understand more and more though the conversation with my french friend yesterday went like this:

Colours: "I did not understand what you just said".

EG: "what! You are not listening?"

Colours, who loves to tease him about his accent though he speaks very good English: "you just said something in french"

EG: "I did not. Besides you know French now".

Colours: "Ya sure! Ca Va? Bien! Etwa! Merci!"

EG: "It is time you learnt more. You have known that for 2 years."

Talk about honesty in friendships! In anycase I digress. Let me come back. The announcement then went on to dutch, English and then German. There was something comforting about the variety in the atmosphere. There were German, French, Dutch, native English and even a Malayalam speaker in the train. All sat in Harmony each one doing their own activities. We were all united in our activities - trying to make the time fly in one of the best trains in Europe.

Perhaps because I come from India, the land of variety I crave for that variety and I do not find it in any other place in Europe than in Belgium.Switzerland is a land of 3 official languages too - yet, there is no one place in Switzerland where all three languages are spoken. Besides, as the European Union capital, it is not just the three official languages one gets to hear. When one sits in the tram there is a myriad of languages being spoken all around you. The high immigrant population from the African countries adds to the diverse colours, sounds and sights in this city.

I reached Germany from the city of colours and there was the completely orderly German train station at the Frankfurt Airport. There was not a cigarette piece out of its place, there were no papers lying around. White looked white and grey looked grey... - I looked at the ICE (the train I had just travelled by for the last 3.5 hours) and wondered how on earth did they manage to keep a train so white in colour.

Is it coming together?

For a long time I had wondered what is my calling? Which industry would I like to work for?

As child there were a few I coveted. Becoming a doctor would be swell - I thought. Yet, my love hate relationship with biology and chemistry did not keep the balance quite right. I loved Biology and hated Chemistry - Uh! that does not really work in the Indian entrance exams. Actually if you think about Indian entrance exams you can avoid Maths or Biology but you cannot avoid Chemistry and Physics. Uh! So that turned out to be a flop exercise.

So I spend my teenage years reading medical encyclopaedia and trying to fathom diseases, finding out symptoms and trying them on the hypochondriac myself. When Google arrived in later years, I tried to find solutions and details on diseases for all through the internet. It was a hobby that I loved. If anyone gave me a medical encyclopaedia I could spend considerable time reading it. It was my alternate Linda Goodman.

Later in life, when moving out of IT after doing my MBA I thought "food" would be wonderful - a match between my interest and my career. Yet, it did not work out - in a FMCG environment they take time to recruit people. Pharma, was not one of my favourites infact I had even thought all my life that it is my last resort (you know my fear about chemistry...). So though an uncle made some inroads into Indian Pharma Industry and later my father and sister (who also hated Chemistry) went into the field I remained aloof.

Aerospace industry - now that would be a dream come true - since I was small I have been interested in flying, getting into flights and always wanted to become an airhostess (now if you can imagine a 4 feet 11 inches helping a 6 feet person to haul his heavy luggage into the overhead luggage compartment, then you are the ideal person to set up an airline and employ me). When I looked at the advertisement when Indian Airforce released their first ads for women to apply, at my 148 cms I was dismayed to see the height requirement - 162 cms it said. Somehow that number always stuck in my mind - (Never mind that all those physical tests as shown in Udaan would have been impossible for me to cross).

So here I am in Brussels working for an industry and for the last two years I had a love hate relationship not really being in touch with the real work of the company. My new function sees me in the evenings hooked to internet sites reading all possible medical information on diseases. Last 2 weeks have been filled with information on patients and best ways to treat them and how they feel. I know many people hate the Pharma companies. Yet, I feel like I am doing something that is second best if I could not become a doctor. I feel like I am helping somewhere and somehow.

When I read all the information now, it transports me to those brown pages of my grandfather's medical encyclopaedia. All those feelings surface back again... One more thing that has not changed - I still cannot react neutrally when I see the pictures of the diseases.

P.S: Let us see how long this euphoria lasts.

Talk about a positive stroke...

Lovely Lady

Colours took Which type of woman are you? quiz and the result is Lovely Lady
You are lovely and caring. You help others and spread out a lot of sympathy. Your life aim maybe is to serve the people. But your weakness is that you forget about yourself, your own needs. All your time is hold back for your friends and family. You are always there for people in trouble. Ready for any emergency. You make a lot of sacrifices just to be a good human. But every woman has her needs, her longings and a destiny. Don't loose yourself in work or curing other people's souls. You will have your own problems in your life. Another problem is that you don't say your opinion when it's right and important to say it. People trample onto your soul if you are always so kind and lovely and helpful. They will play on you. Though you should try to relax more and enjoy your life, you should not loose the gift that was given to you to help others . Not everyone is created this way... You are uniqe and rare!

A few of my favourite things

- children smiling at me. The other day, I was in Ghent and entered the elevator of the parking lot. A small girl with the mother entered the elevator. She looked hesitantly at me, I smiled. She smiled back and hid behind her mother's legs. I looked again and smiled. She looked at from the other side. We continued 2-3 times. My floor arrived and I waited for the door to open. She came around her mother's feet and smiled a fully blown smile at me full of happiness at the game we had just played. As I left the elevator I smiled in reply. She continued her broad smile, and lifted her hand in the gesture for goodbye.

- The sun breaking out of the clouds on a rainy day and its rays standing out

- birds chirping early morning heralding the arrival of spring

- the leaves of weeping willow spouting out in small tender leaves - yet drooping and weeping

- ghazals in the evening: Jagjit  Singh singing:

Pyar Mujh Se Jo Kiyaa Tumne To Kya Paaogi 
(If you love me, what will you gain?)
Mere Haalaat Ki Aandhi Mein Bikhar Jaaogi 
(In the storm of my circumstance, you will be destroyed)
.... 
(I do not know how to exactly translate the next line - Wannabe - HELP!)
Ranj Aur Dard Ki Basthi Ka Main Baashinda Hoon
it goes something about how he feels on the path of pain and 
here is the translation courtesy Wannabe
I am a dweller in the colony of grief and pain)
Ye To Bas Main Hoon Ke Is Haal Mein Bhi Zinda Hoon
(It is just me who can survive in this state)
Khwaab Kyoon Dekhoon Wo Kal Jispe Main Sahrminda Hoon 
(Why should I dream about something which I will be ashamed about tomorrow)
Main jo Sharminda Hoon To Aur Tum Bhi Sharmaaogi
(If I am ashamed then you will also be ashamed)

Kyoon Mere Saath Koi Aur Pareshaan Rahe
(Why should anyone else be hassled along with me)
Meri Duniya Hai Jo Weeraan To Weeraan Rahe
(If my world is desolate, let it remain desolate)
Zindagi Ka Ye Safar Tum Pe To Aasaan Rahe
(Let the travel through this life be easy for you)
Humsafar Mujhko Banaaogi To Pachtaaogi
(If you make me a fellow traveler, you will regret it)

Ek Main Kya Abhi Aayenge Diwaane Kitne
(Why only me - how many loves will be coming your way)
Abhi Goonjenge Mohabbat Ke Taraane Kitne
(How many "tunes" of love will echo for you)
Zindagi Tumko Sunaaegi Fasaane Kitne
(Life will make you listen to many "stories")
Kyoon Samajhti Ho Mujhe Bhool Nahi Paaogi
(So, Why do you think you cannot forget me?)

- so that was one... and here is the next one.

Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho
The way you are smiling so much
Kya Gham Hai Jisko Chhupa Rahe Ho
What is the sorrow you are hiding?
Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho
The way you are smiling so much...

Aankhon Mein Nami, Hansi Labon Par
The eyes are wet, there is a smile on your lips
Kya Haal Hai Kya Dikha Rahe Ho
What is your state and what are you showing?

My favourite music

My nephew played my favourite music today to me - it brought tears to my eyes - the music, the theme behind it et all.

"Love means never having to say You're Sorry" - I do not remember the link to the story with this dialogue - time to watch the movie again though as with all other books converted to movies, I preferred the book. I loved the music though.

With my feet up - I am in Sajjanpur

My knee is in a bad shape. So cancelling my evening program for another public filled evening, I transported myself to Sajjanpur. With all the stereotypical elements of rural India, the intermittent humour kept the laughs and the smiles coming. The good triumphs over the evil in most cases - after all with all the normal tensions who would want to watch a movie that leaves us with more pain in our life.

However, it did make me want to go back and travel in rural India and for sometime I missed my childhood holidays to my village and my travels through the villages.

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The picturesque Indian village stood out - Shyam Benegal tries hard to cling onto the India he knows with just a short glimpse of how technology is entering and even there he pulls in hope - a traditional letter writer gets to still keep his job - he now types smses and reads the replies to the recipients. Parts I liked:

• The part where the letter writer refuses to replace his ink pen with a ball point one (I prefer writing with the traditional pen to the ball point) - do you remember the old Hero pens?

• The table under the peepal tree

• the cycles and the mud houses

• the depiction of chain letters

• the way the interiors of the houses were decorated

• the Indian railways (ah! the fond old memories)

Yes! "Welcome to Sajjanpur" works for me - I doubt it would work for an "Oscar" Committee or any of the "foreigners".

Help spread love for India

My boss has invited me over for lunch tomorrow. He and his family are travelling to India early April - yes, the usual route - Delhi, Agra, Rajasthan. He has three children (tall, handsome boys with blue eyes and a charming smile) - between 10 and 15 years of age. He would like to know more about India and make the children more aware about the country before they leave.

My boss has been to India once on a business trip to Bangalore - the only negative part was that  he got swindled by a guide who asked him 80€ for a guiding him through Lal Bagh gardens and 100€ for some packets of seeds. However, he feels that it was because he was gullible and not watchful this happened to him and was quite amused at how he allowed himself to be taken for a ride.

If you have any suggestions about what I could tell a family about India so that they like India - please please help me out. Having been out of India for 8 years and having lived in southern India I am really not sure whether I can give my comments effectively. However, I would like to try.

I will complete this blog entry later with what I might say - I am posting it incomplete now in the hope someone will be able to offer suggestions.

Parting - no! "de"parting friends

In her latest post a blogger writes about the growing distance with a friend.

I thought I will go through the same with Wannabe as we got involved in our own lives - but then we started chatting again and now we are back regularly in touch...

I have gone through the quite severe cuts with 2 of them - I found one of them back again. One of them and I had been friends since we were 4 years old and kept the same level of friendships inspite of living in different cities (our parents used to despair about the telephone bills) until I went to study away from home - I used to send her letters to which I never received any replies and after her marriage I even stopped trying - later I found this was at a time when she needed a friend the most but never had a chance to ask since she was restricted. Now we are back in touch again and I am happy to get to talk to her.

The second one is irrepairable now and the coldness when we meet kills me each time we meet even accidently. I am now going through the 3-rd one and I keep trying not to let it go and I think that strengthens the power with which it gets severed. I fear it is going down to the same level as the 2-nd one - I hope not but there comes the "self-respect" part after a certain time.

In her blog, she writes at the end "It hurts that she doesn’t want anything to do with me, that she finds it so easy to just dismiss the times we spent together. Worst of all it haunts me that I never tried hard enough to keep in touch with her."

Dear blogger who wrote this, I just want to tell you based on my latest experience which I am going through now - if you tried hard enough to keep in touch with her, would she not just try even harder to cut you off? or rather are you not exposed to the rejection even more as you try to maintain the relationship? What about the hurt associated with rejection and the lack of respect? Don't you wonder - What are the reasons?

I also wonder - "do those moments we spent together mean nothing at all?" I mean, why are we the ones always trying?