VIBGYOR

Voyeurism - my latest past time

We have an apartment in Bangalore. Recently, the apartment association member sent me a mail inviting me to join their yahoogroups. Her signature said: "Vice President of the <apartment name> Association". Since then I have been receiving mails from the yahoo groups on different topics.

I have now been watching a community come alive under me. Having moved out of India, with lot of regrets, these mails take me right back into the life that I am missing living out of India. One of the mails said "The Gym trainer agrees to stay back without an increase in rate" and another one talked about the roads in front of the apartment and the MLA being a proactive one to take action on the pathetic conditions of the roads. This morning a resident noticed that one of the guards of a Block was sleeping - he raised his indignation at the pathetic conditions under which the guards have to work for the security firm and implored the "Association" to raise the matter with the security firm. Another one talked about the cleanliness of the common area and yet another discussion took place on the logistics of moving the trolley back to its source after usage. A resident on the first floor took up the case of blaring horns and the reverse alert sounds which keep him awake all night.

The change in library day made me miss all those facilities that I could have used if I was staying miles away - the news on the tennis lessons made me wonder - what would I have done if I was staying at home in this apartment as the mother of two children? I would surely take them for the poetry classes on Sunday the 13-th and search for a poem of not more than 8-12 lines. The Science classes would be something that I could keep myself busy with - I could instill in these children a love for Physics (though sometimes I wonder whether anyone wants to learn things for love or for getting an admission and excellent marks in class).

The latest issue in this small community is the upcoming elections for the associations - there are no nominations. The deadlines have been extended - would I have stood for this election? I do not think so...

Looks like no one else wants a promotion to be able to add to their signature "Vice President of the <apartment name> Association".

Oh! and why on earth do I not know anyone here who plays "Ladies Throw Ball"? Hope the rain gods will be with the ladies who plan this for the evening at 6 p.m...

staying power...

"What is the single most important quality in a tennis champion? I would have to say desire, staying in there and winning matches when you are not playing that well."

--John McEnroe,
American tennis champion

Just Mathematics or life too?

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

Nail biting

Federer I have no nails left.....

Options

The trouble with life isn't that there is no answer, it's that there are so many answers." --Ruth Benedict, American anthropologist

Paradise on earth

If there is a paradise on earth, this is it. Surrounded by friends, sanity was restored. It was a true renewal.

It was also a good opportunity to take a break and spend sometime thinking. So when I came back today and operational issues beckoned, I reminded myself that I should not get lost in these. The break even has me feeling positive and back again looking forward to doing something constructive - as I should have been doing.

Though in two hours I was again back being strict, I think I reminded myself not to get upset and stressed about being strict. Being strict without being rude is yet to be learnt (even google search does not help).

Tagged :(

Tagged by WannabeWriter, my twin !!! It was difficult - many things mentioned I would have also said - we are twins after all.

I am: who I am...  - you just have to decide when you see me - which could be different when you interact with me, and yet different when you become a friend and even different when you get closer to me ... and closer and closer and closer....

I think: I wish I did - do I? Let me think...

I know: that I just need to know... or get to know... I thought I did know yet....

I want: just what I want - just the way I want... difficult eh?

I have: a desire to have what I want.

I wish: I knew what I wanted.... and have what I knew I wanted (did I just cancel the last three?)

I hate: people who are friends one moment and not friends anymore without giving me a chance.

I miss: oh oh.... this is still a sore point - people I had fun with who are not around anymore to have fun with.

I fear: love?!?!

I feel: so I am....

I hear: music all the time....

I smell: - do I?

I crave: for what I miss.

I search: for what I fear (since I am now further away from it than I ever was before - am I really - perhaps it just seems so since it is physical distance?)

I wonder: at my husband's patience... (ditto TINNNNN - but then he is your comrade) and at the way people can grow cold and distant (not related).

I regret: not taking actions based on my feelings rationalizing before I took actions.

I love: people who love me (I think they make the right choice for themselves - of course the others just do not know what they miss).

I ache: when someone turns away.

I am not: strong enough not to ache.

I dance: all the time...if my body is still, I'm dancing in the mind... (DITTO TINNNN... my husband says my toes are always moving and when alone I am physically dancing even if I am at work) - but then life is just a dance. 

I sing: when sad, when happy, when angry, when tearful, when listening to songs, with headphones on - the whole world is a bathroom.

I cry: enough to fill Atlantic Ocean (moving towards Pacific Ocean soon).
I dont always: open out even if seems I do (so all the above are cancelled?!?!)

I fight: just when someone (Parmanu) thinks the storm will pass.

I write: cards, on birthday greetings/gifts

I win: never.

I lose: all that I do not want to lose - especially relationships with people.

I never: give up on people.

I always: hope.

I confuse: hope with reality.

I listen: but do not hear

I can usually be found: in front of my computer/ in front of a book... or mooning

I need: people

I am happy about: all those who touched my life

I imagine: I am in a cloud - everything I want, I hope for is happening there.

I tag: no one - if anyone wants to pick it up you can. (Rash, Anumita????)

Snipets

... "But any-how, Mr. Wind-Up Bird, tell me, have you got guts?"

"Not really, no."

"Never had 'em?"

"No, I was never one for guts. Not likely to change, either."

"How about curiousity?"

"Curiosity is another matter. I've got some of that."

"Well, don't you think guts and curiosity are kind of similar?" said May Kasahara. Where there's gut there is curiosity, and where there's curiosity there's guts. No?"

"Hmm, maybe they are kind of similar," I said. "Maybe you're right. Maybe they do overlap at times."

"Times like when you sneak into somebody's backyard, say."

"Yeah, like that," I said, rolling a lemon drop on my tongue. "When you sneak into somebody's backyard, it does seem that guts and curiosity are working together. Curiosity can bring guts out of hiding at time, maybe even get them going. But curiousity usually evaporates. Guts have to go for the long haul. Curiosity is like a fun friend you can't really trust. It turns you on and then it leaves to make it on your own - with whatever guts you can muster."

.....

- from "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" by Haruki Murakami.

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A black Mercedes C class stopped in front of the Opel showroom just across the street. A tall man got out of the car - he was talking to someone who stepped out in a cream jeans and blue long baggy jeans shirt with silver embroidery on them. It was 33°C outside - strange choice of clothes I thought as I watched them. The man had a magazine in his hand. The woman said something bent back into the car and retrieved a reasonably fat book. As she walked into the Indian restaurant, I noticed that it had the pale blue and yellow shades of a book.

Both took furtive glances into the restaurant and then took a seat at the corner most table outside the restaurant. They seemed hungry as the lady, facing the window to the restaurant, leaned forward towards the counter. The man seemed calm. There was just intermittant conversation. After a few minutes they opened their respective books and resumed their reading - from pages in between.

The order was given and the drinks arrived. A big glass of mango juice for the woman and a small glass of mango lassi for the man. The thread of concentration being broken, the two again tried their hand at conversation. Silence again and both were drawn back to the book.

A few minutes later, the man looked up and looked around. He said something to the lady. She looked around too and then smiled - a little victoriously, I thought. They picked up their books and the drinks and walked inside.

Their reading continued uninterrupted - the food was placed in front of them and they just looked up long enough to smile acknowledgement at the waitor. She said something in between turning her book upside down. He said something back - a shade of disappointment crossed her face but she immediately turned her book back and resumed reading.

Someone else arrived. They seemed to know this person. He started talking to the new person and they moved a little away from the table. She continued to read after the initial pleasantries.

After the conversation, they picked up their books, paid and left.

They must be married and for long.

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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"

--George Carlin
American comedian

Signs?

Yesterday and today were another of "those days"... I was driving back from work again defeated and dejected and all alone - lonely with no one I could talk to, listening to some songs which again showed me a "vulnerable" part of me showing I was not yet immune to many things. Suddenly in between all the french lyrics came floating out

Je pars, je ne reviendrai jamais
Bientôt le monde m’aura oublié tu sais…
Que j’aille…
Tu vois…

......

Je partirai et je garderai que des restes de toi
Souviens-toi encore quelques fois de moi…
Mais ne leur pardonne pas

Get me out of this place
Get me out of this town

Funny that these seem to be the words that came floating out. Do I believe in signs? I have to decide.

Then today I was reading the MBA Diary from IMD and there came echoes again.

"I have even started to question everything I have achieved so far this year. What has it brought me? What have I learnt? How different am I? Do I really know myself any better? If the aim was to suffer, I am sure I could have found cheaper ways. "

How many more signs do I need before I take the hint? Is it all a question of interpretation? Sometimes I also need to have the courage to move on.

Strange sentences people say

I read somewhere today - "When you trust someone a lot, you give them the power to cause pain to you without them realizing" - I thought it was a very strange sentence - willing people not to trust anyone because you can be hurt.

How could this sentence be changed?